Boy: "Daddy, what's a traitor?"

Dad: (after a moment) "Someone who leaves your side and goes to the other side."

Boy: "Oh, okay." (after a moment's silence) "Daddy, what do you call someone who leaves the other side and comes to YOUR side?"

Dad: (beaming with pride) A convert, my son!"

Mom to little girl: "Why should we be quiet in church?"

Little girl: "So we don't wake the sleeping people?"

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Said the caterpiller to the butterfly as it flew around overhead, "You'll never get ME up in one of those things!"

Did you hear about the baby born in a high-tech delivery room? It was born cordless!

"Oh, look! A poor, dead bird!" said one lady to the other.

"Where?" responded the blonde, looking up in the sky.

"My teacher talks to himself a lot. How about yours?" one kid asks another.

"Yes," was the response. "But he thinks we're listening."